It’s Hard To

forgive, say goodbye, or trust you

My hope is to show you a picture of how hard it is to forgive, say goodbye, or trust someone. I want to give you a visual of the effect these three situations have had on my existence, and hopefully, give a blueprint on how to work them out in your life. There is nothing more valuable than to allow yourself to be free. I believe the key ingredient is how you deal with these three items.

I got this because I know what the bible says about the subject. How can God forgive me if I refuse to forgive others? Every time I think about my father, though: all I feel is the shiver of the cold running through me because he left me in the field unprotected from the falling snow longing for his touch to secure my existence through life. I am sure you can guess that abandonment is the issue here. I am not sure when it actually happened, “I pray he never needs me because I won’t be there,”that God’s instruction overrode my need to be mad and hold on to the unforgiveness I thought my father deserved. I learned men should not be trusted.

Trusting others is a key to having healthy relationships. I really don’t know how to trust others or should I say I have fears when it comes to trust. I picked relationships with guys who I knew I could not trust believing they would not be around. It  just made it easier to not commit and based on the relationships I told myself I had trust and commitment issues. When actually, I picked poorly believing I did not deserve the true happiness that goes along with a healthy relationship. This mindset put me in the position to have to say goodbye too soon or later than I should have.

Well, saying goodbye leaves me weakened. It drains the soul, and leaves me lifeless for a while until the next encounter. Deciding or having it decided for me goodbye is still the same for me it makes me question  my existence and those I have allowed to consume that muscle that keeps me alive-the heart. I really don’t think that the heart truly heals from the goodbyes in my life I just learn to live over them.

The end result of forgiveness, goodbyes, or trust is that each leave me depleted. I hate each and know all will be apart of life if not now down the road or I have already dealt with. I want you who read this to know you will survive each just look at me the one who is writing to you to give you hope that this too will pass.

pam1 may U be God’s reflection, Pew Partners



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