Words from P.M.Mathis#44

P.M. Mathis

Effects of Absent Father

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As far back as I can remember, in my household there was my mother and us-brother, sister, and me where was the man who had helped give us life? Why was he not providing for us?  He assumed his job was over after his children were conceived.  The long term effect of separation from my father has left many permanent, deep scars.  I have lived my life trying to protect my heart.  I felt unsure about the woman I am.  With my head bowed and my eyes down I face the world.  I am weak in speech but wise in written word.

Who am I? I just don’t know.

In the shadow is where I can be found.

Why you ask? I say no father, no father to show me my way.

To tell me who I am or should be.

To strengthen my back with love.

To lift my head with his voice.

Who am I? I just don’t know.

Ask my father maybe he knows so he can tell you so.

I have lived by this motto “If my own father could not love me than how can any man.” The loss of my father has given me one thing-fear of loneliness.  I had relationships that were based solely on the need by my partner.  It was not because of love but because of selfish hearts.  I felt I had to stay in the relationship because this was the only man I could find.  The insecurities that I feel have a lot to do with my not understanding why my father chose not to be a part of my life.  He turned his back on me and he kept walking.

pam1 www.pewpartner.wix.com/pmmathis

may you be God’s reflection #urgodslovestory

Image of abandonment:

1-abandoned-antique-baby-carriage-in-field-sandra-cunningham

 

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